Anal sex

You should never feel pressured into anal sex just to satisfy your man.  If you don't like anal sex then it doesn't make you less gay.  Only do what you want, when you want to do it.

You and your partner(s) will have a better time if you concentrate on the things that you are both comfortable with, talk to each other and don't be afraid to try out new things together.

Deciding if you want to be a bottom (passive during anal sex), the top (active during anal sex) or versatile (enjoys both) is something that a lot of guys worry about.

Many of us think that we're going to behave in a certain way only to surprise ourselves when we meet a partner who wants to try something different.  The idea that tops have to be dominant and masculine, and bottoms passive and feminine is deeply unfashionable, and simply not true!  As long as you are comfortable, you can do and act how you like.

Many guys choose to be versatile, which means that sometimes they are active, and other times they are passive.  This gives them much more opportunities, and a wider choice of sexual activities.  Whether you decide to be top or bottom can be due to a number of reasons, including who you're with, what mood you are in, and how comfortable you feel.

Being a Top

Remember that the guy that you are having sex with needs to be relaxed, otherwise the sex could turn out painful for him.  Being a top is not always about being dominant, so don't just bang away.  Think about what your partner wants, and respond to his noises and actions.  Instead of just thrusting in and out, why not try a circular motion, and vary your thrusts.  Also, try different positions, and don't forget about kissing and playing with his cock as well, as this can enhance pleasure for both of you.

SAFER SEX TIP

Being a top doesn't exclude you from contracting STIs or HIV.  Condoms and water based lube are essential with any guy who's HIV status you are unsure of, and they offer the best protection against other STIs as well.

Being a Bottom

The most important thing about being a bottom is to relax and take your time, and to make sure that you use plenty of water based lube.  Breathing slowly and deeply will help you to relax, and use foreplay to help to get ready.  .

If you feel pain or discomfort stop immediately, and change position if necessary.  A good position to increase comfort is to lie with your knees drawn up to your chest, either on your back or on your side.  With time you can try different positions to see what works best for you.

SAFER SEX TIP

Condoms are a must with casual partners or someone who's HIV status you are unsure of.  Being a bottom, and not using a condom is how the majority of HIV transmissions occur, also if you get another STI in your arse, you may not show any symptoms.

Assume the position!

There are as many positions as your imagination can come up with.

Getting stuck in a routine of having sex in one position can become a bit boring.

Novelty is a large part of sexual excitement for many men, and trying different positions can help to keep your relationship fresh. Depending on your gymnastic prowess, here are a few positions that create different sexual sensations for both of you...

Missionary

This is where partners lie facing each other, and the bottom raises his knees to his chest.  As both partners are facing each other, it's an intimate position that allows eye contact and a lot of bodily contact during sex.

Doggy Style (or rear entry)

A big turn on for guys who like to see the act of penetration as they have sex.  The bottom can thrust his hips vigorously, or just enjoy the sensation. 

Bottom on Top

The active partner will feel more comfortable if he lies back as his partner sits on top of him.  The bottom can either sit facing his partner, or with his back to him.

Standing Room Only

This is easier if the bottom leans up against a wall to keep balance.  Keep legs wide apart to allow the top to keep better pace with a swifter motion.

Sideways

This position allows you to relax and have your hands free to explore each other's bodies.  Both partners lie on their sides, which can allow for deeper entry, and neither partner has to support the other's weight.

You can find all of this information in 'Sex tips' - our guide to a healthy sex life and... sex!

Toungue-in-cheek yet factual, this plain speaking booklet was created to answer the questions which gay men want to ask. Many of the subjects covered are included in response to questions called in to the LGF helpline or suggested by service users.

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