Coming out as bisexual...
1 Feb 2010
People presume that Lia is straight when she's dating a man and gay when she's seeing a woman, she says being bisexual isn't an easy choice, because "it isn't a choice at all."
"I knew I wasn't hetrosexual as a young girl of 7 years of age. What I found confusing for a long time, was that I found both women and men attractive, with no particular rhyme or reason as to which gender I was likely to prefer.
At 14 I became involved with a girl, and decided to tell my mum, who I had always been close to, about how I was attracted to women as well as men. She seemed very supportive, and just wanted me to be happy.
However, on splitting up with my girlfriend I then dated a guy - which seemed to cement the idea in my mum's head that I was not a lesbian and so must be straight. This pattern continued for years, which meant that I have had to "come out" to my mum on more than one occasion!
The presumption always seemed to be that if I am dating a guy I am suddenly straight, rather than the truth, which is that I am bisexual.
This presumption of my sexual orientation being judged on my current partner annoys me greatly; if I choose not to have a partner, then what am I? Invisible?!
Similarly, I have had pressure from lesbian friends that I must be a lesbian if I am dating a woman, and then if I date a guy it must be because it is "easier" or more acceptable.
Quite often, when I have come out to guys, they presume a threesome must be on the agenda, and some have been quite hostile after we have split up if I subsequently date a woman. Being bisexual isn't an "easy choice", because for me, it isn't a choice at all."
Lia's story , 38, bisexual woman.
For more support on coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual check out the Coming Out section.
If you need to talk to someone call the LGF Helpline on 0845 3 30 30 30 (local call rate), 6pm-10pm (Staffed), 10pm-6pm (automated system).
Other useful links:
BiPhoria
BiCon
Picture posed by model.
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This is the first thing on LGF that I've seen that is bi orientated. I'm sure there is more it is not exactly easy to find. I was brousing through the section on youth and schools and its all homophobia homophobia. biphobia or the word bisexual is just thrown in on some pages. This is the only thing I've seen directed for bisexuals. Why doesn;t each section like youth and homophobic bullying look at abuse of bisexuals at schools?
Posted by DCP, 25/05/2010 9:18pm (3 months ago)
This shouldn't be any big deal, but for as long as I can remember I thought I was different,I never really bothered with boys. I had a "straight' relationship 15 yrs ago, it lasted a few months and then I realised one of the reasons why it didn't work out and that was I always had the feeling that I was bi-sexual. He left me for someone else and he was bi-sexual himself. We have been back together a number of times over 15 yrs but managed to have sex a only handful of times, it didn't feel right,Is it ok to feel ike this before you come out? It's just that that side is getting stonger. Thank you
Posted by Laura Christie, 19/04/2010 1:48am (5 months ago)
I too am struggling with being Bi. I was with a guy for 5 years and in the last year or so I was open about being Bi. But after breaking up with him I met a girl who I've been happily seeing for a few months now. At first I found it hard to tell my mum as obviously being with a guy for so long she'd assumed I was straight. Luckily she's been ok about my girlfriend. But the problem lies with my colleages and distant friends. I feel that as I met them when I was with a guy they have labelled me as straight and now if they learn I'm seeing a girl they'll see me as gay and it feels as though I would've deceived them in some way. It's hard because people just assumed if you're with a girl, you're gay, if you're with a guy you're straight. There's no lee way for being bi. And as such I'm feeling pressure and doubting if I really am bi or if I'm gay. It's hard because in society's eyes bisexuality doesn't seem to be a "real" sexuality.
Posted by RS, 24/03/2010 9:39pm (5 months ago)
when i was 15 me and my best friend used to play around about it.Me and my best friend came out when my gandfather had past away. I was bi 4 two-years now i like being a lesbian becouse boys don't know how 2 do rite.......
Posted by lakeshia, 12/03/2010 5:46pm (6 months ago)