Marc Robinson
Age: 30
Period and place of service: 2 years, 42 Engineer Regiment
Rank: Sapper
Hometown: Billingham, Co. Durham
I was 17 and a half when I joined the army. The half is very important as it makes you an ‘adult soldier' so you get a bit more money for it. Although I was curious after my brother had joined, I was pretty much dared by some friends to join up who reckoned I wouldn't last 2 minutes. I lasted 2 years instead. I was also realising my attraction to men at the time and I wasn't best happy about the situation so I thought joining the Army would make a proper man of me, whatever that means.
The army was everything I expected it to be and more. Basic training ended up being my favourite time because you were in it together and even hell can be fun when you have friends with you. The big disappointment was when you finally passed all that training and were attached to a unit and how mundane everything becomes. You end up mostly working a 9 to 5 of sorts but having to parade on in the morning and get forced in to regular exercise.
I wasn't dealing with my sexuality at all however. I was still sleeping with women but eventually that stopped and I just decided to concentrate on the job at hand. But I was only just starting to understand the feelings myself although people suspected I was gay and reacted quite badly towards me.
It started with people sticking gay chat line adverts from newspapers to my door. Then it was the main perpetrators literally saying out loud how anyone that speaks to me must be gay as well and I promptly lost all my so-called friends. You have to bear in mind that I still wasn't sure myself so it was a complete mind f*ck. It still didn't stop me getting accused of sleeping with a Lance Corporal's wife though in actual fact she was the first person I'd told that I was gay. She was amazing and I still miss her as a friend.
I didn't know any other gay and lesbian people in the army. There were constant rumours of lesbian action every night in the women's barracks which the lads on every duty guard shift were always trying to watch through the windows.
Having said all that the best thing about being in the army for me was the camaraderie, at least in the initial stages like basic training. Learning to drive was great fun, especially the off-road stuff. But overall it really did turn me in to the man I am today but eventually I hit a dead end and thanks to an injury the end of my career in the Royal Engineers was due to come to an end. You get bred with a fierce sense of loyalty to the corps and the idea of being something else other than a Sapper didn't work with me.
At first it was difficult to adjust back to civilian life. The disjointedness of not having people to fall back on for mutual support and the realisation that you are on your own against the world is the worst part. But as the years go on you never forget you forge new relationships and only the good memories remain.
It was a life changing experience for me. Without doubt a large part of the person you see today is the result of army training. I'm proud to have been a soldier.
I would you say to young LGB's who are thinking of a career in the forces to be sure of who you are and your sexual identity. Most of all you have to be strong. They take you to your limits and beyond in the Army and don't think that they won't or can't.
