Talking about sex
Unfortunately, quite a lot of us find it very difficult to talk openly about sex, which can end up with us either having sex that we don’t enjoy or finishing a perfectly good relationship because we feel the other person doesn’t understand how to satisfy us.
Everyone responds differently to sex – some like gentle touches whilst others like it a bit more rough – so unless you’re psychic, the only way to get to know what turns your partner on, and for them to get to know what turns you on, is by communicating. And communication doesn’t just mean talking – a running commentary or barrage of instructions during sex is not only annoying, it can be off-putting too. Grunts and groans when your partner hits the spot or does something that drives you wild will let them know that they’re on to a winner!!
If your partner needs a bit of guidance, don’t just point. Gently guide their hands and let them know as they’re getting closer.
Be positive. Don’t tell your partner that they’re terrible in bed, unless you like being single. Instead, remember something that they did which really turned you on and tell them about it (I loved it when you…). At the same time, there’s no point in faking it or saying you like something you don’t, so try and be honest.
Confidence improves sex and good sex can improve your confidence!
If you're confident about what you want, you're more likely to have a good time and avoid some of the downsides of sex.
Most people are happy to talk about safer sex and their sexual preferences - they just don't want to be the ones to bring up the subject, so get in there first! Don't be afraid to be the one who brings up the subject of condoms.
Again, most guys are happy to talk about this, but don't want to be the one to have to bring it up first.
When meeting a guy in a bar or club, going out cruising or visiting a sauna personal safety should always be a priority whether you're deciding to go with a new guy (or guys!), or asking someone to use a condom. Never assume anything when it comes to sex, assumption is the friend of most STI and HIV transmissions.
If you don't feel comfortable talking about condoms and lube, then make sure that they are visible to your partner, and they will quickly get the message.
Remember, sex can mean different things to different people. Just because you enjoy sex with men does not mean that you have to have anal sex every time. Only go as far as you want to, and don't ever let anyone talk you into doing something that you wouldn't normally do.
If you're not happy in any situation - leave it! You have the right to say no at ANY time.
Finally, this is a two-way street, so don’t just lie back and let your partner do all the work. Make sure you get to know as much about them as they do about you.
You can find all of this information in 'Sex tips' - our guide to a healthy sex life and... sex!
Toungue-in-cheek yet factual, this plain speaking booklet was created to answer the questions which gay men want to ask. Many of the subjects covered are included in response to questions called in to the LGF helpline or suggested by service users.